Your family needs to know you’re strong. In a situation where you feel weak, they need to know where you’re coming from. They need to know if you’re in fact in a relationship. They need to know where you find yourself and where you would like to go.
How can I avoid falling for someone who uses my fears?
Find yourself a mentor and an equal.
Why do I believe my life coach is telling me what I want to hear?
Your life coach might be telling you a big lie because they aren’t ready to explain the why behind their words. For instance, if your life coach told you “Don’t worry – you’re in a good situation” it’s possible they weren’t ready to tell you that for your own benefit.
In the days after the massacre of nine white men celebrating a Bible study at an upstate New York church last week by a man with deep-seated white supremacist beliefs, I was asked if I’d spoken to the white man. My answer: I had never spoken to him.
After the slaughter, it seemed like my instinct was to make this man’s plight into something that he deserved. He had killed nine people and was trying to kill more. All anyone had to do was call 911 and we’d be able to save them. The question for me was: What if something else had occurred? If the suspect had committed fewer shootings, if his actions had been the result of a mental illness, why hadn’t he been more aggressive? The white man had said at one point, “We’re going to fight them in the streets,” and I thought of a quote from someone in the crowd who had gone to one of the churches the morning of the shooting. He’d told me, “I’m so tired of the n*****s in the news. I don’t expect anything good from them.”
The answer I got for not talking to him was simple: I didn’t want to cause that man harm and I didn’t want him to cause me harm. I felt that way all right, but I knew that there were two parts that made it different. One was knowing that what I was about to say would hurt him and the other was knowing that any bad things I said that day would make matters worse. I knew that if anything bad happened, it would get worse for him and worse for me.
In those days, I was an advocate of getting guns in the homes of white men. I
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